“I woke up this morning with a piece of past caught in my throat, and then I choked.”
Remember when I said I love you?
Well, forget it, I take it back.
– Alkaline Trio
I met up with Laura in her little place called home. First we sat down and talked for a while, like I always do when I shoot people but I do this even more when shooting these kind of sessions. I feel the need of both of us getting comfortable with having the other person around. After a while Laura showed me the pieces of lingerie and clothing she had selected for the session and we spoke about which ones we’re gonna use. Put on some moody music, I think London Grammar it was, for example, and started shooting. Here’s a first series from that day.
It seems the thing to do at the end of the year as a photographer is to show your favorite images of the past year. Well, I like to have a look at what other people shot but this time I decided to not show tons of images, maybe a few. What I did instead was just taking some time to think about the past year, what I did, what I didn’t do and what I want to do in 2015. What we have to understand is that by travelling becoming cheaper and cheaper and everybody getting more and more connected by social media, the world is within reach. What’s standing in our way (besides still some financial circumstances) is mostly ourselves. So it’s me. It’s always me against myself, that is how it always was. For me, I think this is the hardest to overcome, to not stand in my way, to not let my mood carry me away and isolate myself from my surroundings, from society, yet even from my friends.
In 2015 I want this to change, I’m a very shy person when it comes to talking to new people, even if some of my friends think I’m good at socializing and networking, I’m really not. Most of the time I’m sitting in a corner, thinking about myself and my failures. With time I have guarded myself so hard and retreated from getting to know new people. There’s no need for that and I will try hard to overcome these things. Looking back at my images from 2014 I can see what was going on within me, the images were often dark, very calm and moody with almost no one looking right into the camera, as I didn’t want them to. Maybe I even was afraid of them looking right at me, maybe it was just me enjoying the more outside view. Still haven’t figured that out. I’m working on that. I don’t think the images will change too much to fun and laughing people, as I really want to show the real person and what makes them tick. I like the calm and thoughtful side of people. I love to talk to them about their emotions, their fears, the little things that can break one person.
So, 2015, let’s hang out. Let’s get to know each other, let’s collaborate. If you like my approach on photography and want me to take your picture, don’t hesitate to contact me for booking details. If you’re a photographer and you would love to hang out, get in touch. I’m open for collaborations. If you want to learn from me, I will be offering mentorings in 2015 as weel, details yet to come.
If there are a few images from 2014 I can relate to in terms of them representing my work (leaving off my documentary work) right now, these will be it…
I’ve been thinking about shooting film for quite some time. I spoke to Christine about it and the next time we met she brought two medium format film cameras with her. I brought a few rolls of Kodak Tri-X 400. Loaded the Mamiya 645 and the Kiev 80 with it and just tried it. Working with film was different, it was more complicated for soemone who never did it before. Am I sure I’m using the light meter correctly? Why is this goddamn viewfinder so blurry? Yes, it’s big but I can’t seem to figure if it’s focused (now after developing it, I can tell you a lot of it was in focus… somewhere, somehow). Film makes you think a lot more. I enjoyed it. I liked it. We’ll see what the future brings. Here are a few shots I snapped.
“It’s not me.
Buried wreckage my soul.
It’s not me so who am I now?“
Being trapped in oneself is something many people have to deal with. Concerning myself and many creative people in my surrounding I know this for sure. We have to deal with the pressure of having to make a living from our creativity and our craft and talent and at the same time speaking our minds, letting out what’s inside of us. Wanting to shoot or create what speaks to us, what keeps us going on. I see us struggling with these things. Are we really shooting what we want to shoot? Do we shoot to make us happy or just to please the client? Why are we shooting and who are we anyway? And how often do we stand ourselves in the way thinking too much about what we are doing instead of just doing it? A photographer who really inspires me and whose images speak to me a lot, Ryan Muirhead, said: “We spend too much time trying to figure out what we should be doing and not enough time listening to what we know we want to be doing.” We should all live by this.
I shot this series of images with my close friend Paola, a very talented photographer herself. It’s about that. Somehow.